the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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