well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
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I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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