I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
