I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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