In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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