he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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