My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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