i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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