I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
