You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
