thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
