listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
