FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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