OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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