Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
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