Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
