It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
