it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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