i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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