My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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