Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
