I'm lost and stupid without you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
