that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
