She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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