So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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