quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
