dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
