Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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