No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
