At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We're too hungover to prance.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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