he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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