Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
