9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
