I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I looked at my own cervix.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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