I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
