Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize