so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver just had a heart attack.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize