He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
