I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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