It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
