Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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