If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
