Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize