His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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