did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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