how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
