ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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