Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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