just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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