So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
