Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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