Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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