honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
