i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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