yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
