My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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