Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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